One of the lessons harder than ever to learn to be no chemistry, computer science, or even the laws of physics. It has nothing to do with history, English literature and understand why the caged bird sings Maya Angelou. This is how to recognize and maintain a violent relationship.
Maybe it hits you when he is angry. Maybe you do not press at all. Instead, he calls you names, tells you that you are nothing without him and tries to control every movement. Or maybe itdoes not do these things, but there is a little voice in your head, you say to insert Deadly Ground. It can not be the whole finger. You do not know as I explained. But you know the shadow of a doubt that something goes wrong. You're too afraid to ask for help, but not fear. Paralyzed by fear and blinded by love does not know where to turn or how to get free.
If this happens, thenYou are in an abusive relationship. No matter what you say or think what you can, you should not take it. And believe it or you're not alone. Studies show that one in five experience violence or intimidation of women in their relationships.
The violence is very serious, because many of these relationships end in hospitalization and even death of some. And as you all thought that would happen to them. It is therefore essentialI ask you and help you get where you are in an abusive relationship. The longer your stay the most difficult situation. I know it's hard to believe that without him, because it loves and really wants is that things are improving. But do not leave.
Laurie 19 years, said: "The first time I met my friend, I could not believe it. I saw one of my male friends kiss on the cheek and panic. Waited until we were alone drew mebehind the house and gave me a pat on earth. He told me it was my fault because it should not be to other guys, if I kiss a friend. " Can you believe I stayed with him for two years? "
Michelle has 17 years, said: "Rick was the most popular man in school. I could not believe that came with me. He could not get any girl he wanted and he chose me. He had a nice car, jewelry and me bought, I felt like I was something special. But three monthschanges in the relationship of things. He told me as a slut or a whore when I saw another boy. He told me that if I ever left that would have killed me. I do not think, until he took a gun and fired. Fortunately, it was not loaded. "
Brenda 21 years, said: "I'm with Miguel since I was 16. We use to play fight, but would be a serious turn. I choke and pull her hair. He said no one wanted me because I'm fat. I brought her babyThat's why I was fat. But do not care. Sometimes, when I was really mad, I was struck in the stomach. He blames me for everything. Half the time I did not know what was happening. When he went out all night with friends, I had to sit and wait by the phone. But if I'd want with my friends Miguel crisis. Although he struck me was the name calling hurts more. I can be a shock, but I do not like calling me a "bitch."
If you or someone youKnowledge, then, in a situation like Laurie, Michelle, and Brenda, you should get help and get off. Violence happens everywhere and all sorts of people. Violence is not a normal part of dating. It's not healthy. Hitting and jealousy are not signs of love are signs of control. Any abusive relationship has the potential to stop the killing. Although the boy does not want to kill his girlfriend, can happen. Ready to take the risk?
What is the relationshipAbuses?
relationship violence occurs when they are threatened, forced, intimidated, insulted or assaulted by the person in a relationship. Violence in relationships is not the same as an argument. In an abusive relationship with a person afraid or intimidated by others. Violence in relationships not just happen once, is something that happens again and again. There are three types of violence in relationships: emotional, physical and sexual.
EmotionallyAbuse
The emotional abuse can be difficult to detect because it is not as obvious as physical abuse or sexual - but is no less dangerous. Emotional abuse includes name names, put down, it says that you are useless or ugly, not a disadvantage compared to other women, humiliated, humiliation, threats and ordered around.
physical abuse
Physical abuse is hitting, pushing, hitting, hitting and pulling hair, punching, choking, throwing things at you, orDraw weapons. Physical abuse is usually more violent as the relationship progresses. The longer you stay the worse for the beating. Physical violence is used to scare you, stop and check. Spanking is not an act of love. It 'an act of violence.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse occurs when one is forced, intimidated, manipulated or forced to participate in a sexual act involving oral sex, can Fondling or other type of sexual act.Maybe you do not need to have sex, but forced, intimidated or manipulated into sex. It 's still sexual abuse and this is not your fault. Maybe he threatened to leave or spread rumors about you when you do not have sex with him. If so forced. And there is no need to take it.
What are the warning signs that indicate whether your friend has the potential to become an abuser?
The reason why so many young women are in abusive relationships is capturedthey do not know what are the warning signs. Answering these questions and see if your friend has the potential to be a seducer.
• Your friend is jealous and possessive?
Œ is to try to speak and who should tell your friends?
Œ E 'angry and upset when you talk to another guy?
Œ It is constantly accuse you of flirting with other guys or cheating on him?
Œ It isTell us wear?
Œ It was never like you did your name?
Œ They're trying, you feel guilty if you can not see?
Œ E 'to ask if the location is not able to reach you?
Œ Try to isolate yourself from your family and your friends?
· It is a violent temper?
• Have you ever seen like other women called out his name?
• You can make excuses for your friendsHer friend comments or behavior?
Œ It threatens to leave you, unless you know what he wants?
Œ It insists that you watch all your free time?
• Have you heard, to ask permission before taking a decision?
Œ It is spying on you or invite you to see all the time, what are you doing?
If you answered yes to all these questions, your friend the potential to be an aggressor a. Watch for the warningThe signs and listen to your intuition. If you think you are in danger of leaving for some time before it is too late. Talk to listen to your feelings through a trusted person and what your intuition tells you to do. Do not make excuses or try to talk about your feelings.
You are in an abusive relationship?
Many young women are unaware that their relationship is abusive because their friends like Dr. Jeckle and Hyde Mr.. One day, he is affectionate andalarm the next day, he is violent and angry. abusive relationships are more violent over time. Typically, the offender does not start beating his girlfriend until he feels comfortable in the relationship, or they tried to leave. For your safety and welfare need to know if your relationship is abusive. You've probably noticed that there is a predictable pattern of your relationship. Your friend's moods and behavior can come and go in a loop. This is calledCycle of violence. I'll tell you if and when this cycle.
To find out if in a violent relationship, these issues were raised.
• Are you afraid or intimidated by your boyfriend?
• Have you ever lied to cover your friends and your family, your friend's behavior?
• Are you afraid of making new friends, because you do not want to upset your friend?
· For your friend has never driven to do something,feel dirty or unpleasant?
· For your friend is never down, ridicule or harm in any way?
Œ It is a slap, push, shake, kick, pull hair or throw things at you?
Œ It has never been threatened?
Œ has never pulled a gun on you?
• Do not see your friends and family because of his jealousy?
• Do you feel that you are running on eggshells in order to make him happy?
• HaveThey were hidden or afraid to tell others about your friend?
Œ E 'drinking, the drugs will be violent?
Œ It is constantly to follow or you check with him?
Œ has already threatened to hurt someone you love, or even if you leave?
If you answered yes to all these questions, then you are in an abusive relationship. It is possible that this is not a big problem. But it is even worse. The reason it is sodifficult to terminate an abusive relationship, because the offender does not always behave improperly. This is the cycle of violence, which I mentioned earlier. Barrie Levy, author of "In Love and in Danger: Guide to Breaking Free teenage abusive relationships," says that every abusive relationship goes through a cycle in three stages.
Phase 1 Phase of increasing tension
This is the stage where the tension starts to rise. It irritated friend more excited, and explosives.He blows on the little things, eyelashes, and is very critical of you. You feel like walking on eggshells or stay out of the way for him to be silent. The tension is so thick you could cut with a knife.
Step 2 Ex-stadium
This is the stage where your friend strikes - both physically and verbally. He calls you names, throw things at you or assaults you. The longer you stay together the worse the explosion will be. Perhaps it was aShock or a shot, maybe next time at room temperature is sudden emergency, a kick or a visit.
Step 3 Step honeymoon
This is the stage where he will tell you how sorry he was and he swears that never happens again. This allows you two stay together. He promised to control his temper. I promise not to disturb him. He buys her flowers and candy or write passionate love letters. Tells us how he loves you and are at the center of his universe.Both excuses. And you return hoping that this time really means.
What can you do if you are victim of violence?
If you are in an abusive relationship and help me for the future. Talk with someone who can help - a counselor, teacher, family, a minister or a trusted friend. There is a list of useful numbers in the resource section of this book to help you understand your options. There are people willing to help. You do not have to go throughThe experience alone. You have already taken the first step to reading this chapter. You can start to help you recognize that you are lovable, capable and worthy, and you have the power to heal from this experience. You may feel shame, fear, alone, or even depressed, but you can move past and strengthened. What more need time and support to heal. They deserve to be safe. You deserve love, not abusive or offensive material. You deserve it, do not go to bed at nightBe afraid. Here are some things you can do to make sure.
Take seriously the abuse
Violence is a serious matter. Need to get serious about your situation, if you want to stop the abuse. Insist that your friend for advice, assistance received, it must go. If you are not prepared, at least take some of the duration of your relationship, until it completes an anger management program or counseling. If he refuses, then you must leave forever.
TalkSomeone
Recommend this happens. Talk with your family or a qualified professional to help you work with your feelings. They need help to know what to do. Talking with friends can help you, your feelings, but needs the support of your family with a professional to get by. If you've been in an abusive relationship for some time, friends and family can already imagine what happens. You want to help, but we can not know how. Keeptalk until someone can help you feel safe, find.
Developing a security plan
If you think your friend will be violent, if you let things settle, or plan to try him for your safety. Think about what you can do or not to be alone with him in the same environment. Make arrangements for friends and relatives to meet you after school or at work. Walk to and from classes with others. Whether your family, roommates or screen the call mailbox. If you go out,Make sure someone knows where you are, how to contact you and now returns. In this way, if not back to that time you said, someone can take it or call the police.
For your security hours
I'm having major problems for me at any time.
My Chiefs of Police # # __________________ _______________ advisers
Friends # ________________________
Domestic Violence Hotline # _________________________
I can say________________ _________________ And on my situation and ask them to call the police if they see something suspicious or feel
If I remain a place where I can go (list 3 places) _____________________
_________________________ ____________________________
I can not stop where I see my ex
__________________ __________________ ___________________
If you want to go back to him, I do things and go through __________________ Forum DiscussionI understand what to do.
That the legal system
Your friend is violence against you is a crime. You can go to the police, your principle advisor or campus security to file a complaint. You can also use a protection order against him, which is a court order that your attacker told to stay away from you. If it is against the rules, may be discontinued. Domestic violence is a serious problem and is also contrary to law.
Join a supportGroup
Sometimes it helps others going through the same situation as we speak. A support group is a safe place to share their experiences of listening to the experiences of others and how to meet the situation under control if it. No need to be evaluated in the sense stupid, or because everyone in the group with a similar situation to worry about. Finding a support group in your area to talk to a school counselor, a friend or call a tollin the Resources section of this book and ask for a list of places to help.
The positive things to improve self-esteem
Spend time with friends old and new beginnings. The simple fact will do wonders for self-esteem. Join a community service project. You'll be amazed what you'll feel better if the good deeds and availability. Not to mention the great new friends you make. Attend a seminar. A goodPaper. Listen to music - no sad songs. Take your bedroom. Make a gift for a friend or family member that you have not seen for a while. The longer you leave, the more you realize how much fun life without him.
Building a healthy relationship takes work and emotional maturity
In a healthy relationship, fear not your friend. If any of you angry, you will find a healthy way to resolve the situation. You will be able to spend time alone and doing thingstogether. You do not feel pressured to have sex. Feel appreciated and supported.
In short, love can become deadly dangerous obsession. And there is no valid reason for this problem. Although it may be terrifying for a violent relationship, it was left to be much more dangerous. They deserve to be treated with respect and love. They deserve to be safe. It's your life and you have the power to take control. See how far you have come.
NovelLove can be exciting, passionate and sometimes addictive. But what we must consider whether he loves you to death, you can go to the grave to prove it.
Copyright © 2000 by Cassandra Mack